I have wanted to start my blog for a long time and people have been telling me that I need to do it for so long, but to be truthful, I haven’t known what to write. Do I write about the law, because I am a lawyer, do I write about “little people” because I am a mother, or do I write about who I am so people will understand my role as a lawyer and a mother?
It took until I recently watched a movie that made me realise what I wanted to write about…
I went to see The Greatest Showman. What a movie! I have always loved musicals, but this one – it was different, I felt a connection to the characters and the story.
And then, “This is Me” came on.
“I am not a stranger to the dark,
hide away they say,
Cause we don’t want your broken parts,
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars,
run away, they say,
no one’ll love you as you are”
It is amazing how the first line in a song can ring so true. I remember when I was about 8 years old I was bullied at school. The popular girls said that no one would ever want to be my friend. It carried on through to high school when there were threats that if I went on school trips I would come home in a coffin It then continued through to the violent relationships that I encountered in my younger years. Still to this day, I have never told anyone the whole truth about what I encountered as a child and the pain I was subjected to. The main reason, being, people don’t listen to pain, they don’t accept pain and you are taught to be ashamed and some what blameful for whatever it was that you may have gone through.
I guess it is true, people are fearful that they cannot be loved if there is anything but a perfect past.
“But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down,
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologises, this is me.”
And this is when it hit me, I know what I need to write about. I need to write about my less than perfect childhood, my less than perfect youth and how despite this and my fears that I still live with everyday, something good can come from the lessons you learn. More than this, how you should never be ashamed of who you are and what you can offer to the world. Without you, the world would not be the same place.
I fear putting onto paper what I experienced as a child not for fear of facing my past, but for fear someone may read this and think I blame them -I don’t. My parents and those trusted to look after me, did all they could to protect me, but sometimes there is no protection against the predators that I encountered.
These predators, however have made me who they are. Not that I give them any credit for what they did, but I give credit to myself for turning the bad into something good. A way to move forward in life and help others that have found themselves in a similar situation. I am brave, I am bruised, but this is who I am meant to be!
I spend most of my days telling my client’s don’t let them break you down, that is what they want to do, don’t give into them. I know too well, that this is easier said than done, but we are stronger then them. We can break them down and we can show them, that they cannot break us down.
I found that dealing with the bad stuff as a child leads you into relationships that may not be healthy in adult life. This is both personal experience and experiences I have seen for my client’s. But it can be turned around. Be brave, be strong and show the world who you are meant to be.
I believe your destiny is set when you are born. But, your destiny can always be changed. Mine has changed such that I have turned my experiences into a way to help people.
It is still hard to accept that I am loved for who I am meant to be, but that is the lesson from tonight – learn to accept that the world has a place for everyone and you are loved no matter how bruised you may be.